Toughest job in the corp...

I used to have it, not anymore. I had forgotten that I was in marine wife/girlfriend groups on myspace so I resigned from them today. It was funny to see myself on the top 8 of these things. I keep having dreams with him in it. Nothing happens in them but I still feel guilty. Should I feel guilty? I can't control what happens in my dreams- Danny can which is a different conversation all together.

This is a rather short one, I know, but I need to shower.............

Offensive:

I always seem to be on the offensive. Taking things that other people say offensively as if they were meant to hurt me. I'm not sure why... it's be an easy scape goat to blame it on my dad but that'd be too simple. He's an easy mark. I really don't want to cry over a poor childhood when I personally know people who have had much worse in their lives then what I went through. I need to suck it up.

I went to the gym this morning. It was really nice. A customer of mine from Avon was supposed to be there to pick up her order (shoes) but I didn't know her name, what she looked like or what time she was going to be there. This was a very poorly set up appointment. So since I was there I used one of the machines and went for a swim. It was very nice. I think that I might make it part of my daily routine. Not that many younger people but plenty of Silver Sneakers (oldies).

My friend Richie gets out of the Navy tomorrow. He'll be in town soon which will be nice, I haven't seen him in a few years.

My mommy left yesterday. She moved to San Louis/Yuma. I'm sad about it but Kelli has already planned a trip to visit her on Sunday. Nathan lives in Yuma with his mom so we'll probably stay with them till Tuesday. Danny is sad because he's going to miss me very much. What a cutie. I'm not sure that I really want to going seeing as how I have literally no money but it'll make Kelli happy.

I think I'm going to go to bed now, my tummy is hurting from the McDonald's "chicken" that I had for dinner. My mistake.

Love Shack, baby!!!

So even though I only know part of the words I am sing it quite loudly. My good friend Peter made me a cd of the '80s. I am very excited about it. I really want to just skip to the songs that I know, but I'm going to listen to them all at least once, then pick favorites.

I went to MCC today, and got registered. I don't have to pay yet which is really great because I have no moneys with which to use as payment. Mommy is going to help me find financial aide.

When I was registering the eye glasses place called to let me know that my glasses were in. I was really happy because they weren't supposed to be in till tomorrow at the earliest. Great stuff.

Book club is at 6:30... Danny will not be coming with me to book club which is a bummer but I should have realized it from the beginning because it takes place on a Monday and he has his game night on Mondays. Poor planning on my part. At least I'll be occupied for a month while he plays. He may be able to come with me this one time tonight because some skanky girl is in town and Chico might hang out with her instead of being cool and coming over here. It makes me sad for Danny that he does that. His friends are still pissy at me because he plays less to spend more time with me. He's great like that.

I should probably read some more of the book that we will be talking about in book club.

His love endures forever...

Listening to praise and worship music never fails to bring me up. I'm so blessed.

Danny and I had a mini fight that was lame and ended 30-45 minutes in. Stress is kicking our butts currently, but it's something that we are working on. Tomorrow I will be able to register for classes (I hope) and that will make it a bit easier to find a job.

I rearranged our bedroom today. It looks so nice the way it is. I would really like to have a real bed but God will work His ways to help us to get one when we are ready. We just need to pray about it. I've been really bad about that.

I know that I should be praying tongues because it is His will, I just don't. I need to get past whatever it is that is standing in my way and just do it! I said at the beginning of the year that I was going to fast and tithe and do all these things for God and to glorify Him but I haven't. I can't tithe because I don't have an income to give 10% of but I will have a job and I will tithe then. I tithed twice but then lost my job.

It stinks being unemployed.

I painted my toes last night. Danny's friend Jesse helped me to pink out the color. He was really funny. We stayed up pretty late because Chico and Jesse were over. Chico needed to make his character for the game that they play. Danny went to bed around one-thirty but we ended up talking for a while and didn't actually sleep till around two-thirty. Still got up and ready in time for church this morning which was something I had been worried about. I just wasn't tired enough to sleep.

Currently I am looking at rummy royal boards on e-bay again. I've found two in particular that I think that I am going to get that are so stinking cheap. I hope Danny doesn't get mad about it. One for me, one for my mom's house so Kelli can use it there while she still lives there.

I think I will end this blog early and go look at pretty things that I can't have, but can some day make.

What has my life become...

It's almost 1:30 in the morning and even though I am fairly tired I am not in bed. Why you ask? Because I am here looking at random web sites to buy a Rummy Royal board that I can not afford. I would really love to be able to buy 3 of them. One for me, one for Kelli, and one for my mom and dad. But I can't. It stinks. I could probably get away with buying one which I am thinking about doing but Danny doesn't think it is a good idea. Money is really tight right now-more so than usual. I am going to go down to the college on Monday, Alicia said that she would come with me because she wants to register for a few classes herself. I thought that was pretty cool.

Friendship builders was pretty cool. I was able to get my mom AND Kelli to come with. They left before all of the testimonies were done. Kelli still thinks that it is a cult. I'm not sure how serious she is when she says this but she has said it often which makes me pretty sad. I guess all I can do at this point is pray for her. It was really cool though- usually Alicia and I will drive over to these things together but she was over at her house getting things fixed up so they can move back in soon, so she wasn't able to come with me.... it was really neat that I was able to go there without my safety net. I was very proud of myself. It was nice to have her show up though.

I am so excited to have my glasses soon. My eyes really need the rest. Plus it'll be nice to have something new!

Danny got a hair cut today. He didn't get very much cut off but he looks a lot different.

I should really get some sleep. I don't know why but I have been really tired lately for no particular reason. I need to change that-stat! It might help if I stopped speaking negative into my life, and also slept normal hours. I need to start behaving more like an adult. I'm not sure how much I'm going to like it but it has to start soon.

More people I know having babies..............................................

Jamie Lynn Spears...

http://www.okmagazine.com/pixandvids/gallery/7873

I don't know why it bothers me so much and makes me sad but it does. It stupid but I don't care. Everyone and their mom has a baby/family but me.
I took the wiser path... I stayed at home to save money, I went to community college to save money, I didn't get pregnant in high school, or married right out of high school- I've done everything right but feel that I have nothing to show for it. I'm tired of it.

I wrote my guidance counselor an email to see if I could make an appointment to look at what classes I should take but she has not replied to me when which I don't really like. I guess I will just have to go down there and see what's up if she doesn't reply by tomorrow. I need to know quick.

My car in with Chet (mechanic) because we were hoping that he could fix that problem for less moneys than the other place but I'm not sure when I'm going to get the money. It's really starting to stress me out not having money or knowing when the next time I'll have money coming in is. I have a web site or two that Kelli and my mom gave me to look at- I just need to take it more seriously. I also can't do anything until I know when my classes will be, I need to know when I will be available to work and when I will need time for class and to study- plus church, and if I'm lucky bible study.

I haven't exercised since Tuesday and I am feeling really fat and full of rolls. I hate feeling and looking like this. Danny says that I am beautiful and that he loves me... I counter with I didn't say I wasn't beautiful- I said I was fat. Gosh! He's such a good guy.

Time for sleep, my Willy Wonka game was making me mad so I shut it off without saving. Good thing I didn't get very far tonight.

The Kingdom of God in You:

I just read the forward of the new book that I got today. The book club starts next week so I had better step it up if I want to finish it before it begins. I at least want to get a few chapters in if nothing else. I wonder when Danny will read it since he still has that other book I asked him to read and he's playing his game a lot; he said that if I got it that he would read it and go with me to the book club but now I'm not so sure. I hope he does.

I played wow today again; this time without Danny near by- in fact, he was at the store. Someone tried to get me to join them to go do something but I decline. I really don't like the interaction aspect of the game.. I told him that I would try to get into another game that wasn't interactive. He let me play Diablo 2 with him, it was really sweet because I was sitting on his lap killing zombies. His leg fell asleep and he couldn't move it at all. I laughed. Currently he is looking for games for the xbox because we were going to see about playing a game together. I hope he finds them. We were also going to rent The Bank Job tonight but I'm not sure if that'll still happen.

I went to the eye doctor yesterday. I'll have my new glasses in 7-10 days. I can't wait. Every since my glasses snapped in half I have had to wear my contacts at all times. Gets pretty difficult to see things late. I don't like it.

I'm going to read my book and hopefully play some video games!!!

Test drive...

Danny was finally able to convince me to try World of Warcraft. It was alright. I really don't like playing when there are other people around and I don't really want to get over it just yet. I am however starting to like one of his other computer games so we'll see how that goes. We decided to try playing video games together as a way of spending quality time. What could be better then kicking each other's butts in a video game? I really think that it could be fun.

I'm getting tired but I don't have a job or anything that needs to be done tomorrow so I can stay up as late as I want... Danny on the other hand has work at 6:00 a.m. but is still playing his game. I think he wanted to level up before bed. I'm not too sure about it though.

My neck and back have been killing me for the past little bit of time. I think that it will go away for the most part when we actually get a real bed. Air mattresses are just not cutting it these days. We have the really nice blanket, the really nice sheets and really fluffy pillows...all that's left it a bed. Yay! We need money to buy a bed and we don't have it yet.

I'm really excited for Danny because he gets to go on the Men's Retreat next month with the men from our church. He's jazzed for it too which makes me even happier- I'm not sure why. I've just heard such great thing from the guys when they get back and I really want that for him.

I should get some rest. I'll probably do some more cleaning up and unpacking of boxes. Yes, I still have a few boxes that I haven't unpack from when I moved it. I still have some at my parent's house from when we moved to Lake Havasu back in 1998. Oh well...it'll all work out in the end.

I also need to remember to do two of the workout videos when Danny is at work because we will be at church in the evening so no time for the gym... If I'm going to continue to eat crap food then I should do some sort of exercise so I stay the same instead of getting larger, and then eventually getting smaller...

I'm so blessed.............